How To Survive a Zombie Invasion

by Ed Lau on January 3, 2007

I’ve found it a tad difficult to be productive when you purchase an Xbox.

I’ve spent the day fighting a legion of zombies, trying to win the Cup with the Canucks (not an easy task…) and shooting things in the face in Gears of War. Sorry but I simply can’t think of anything intelligent to say today.

I have, however, discovered that the best place to be in the event of a zombie invasion is somewhere with weapons…or at least things that can be used as a weapon. My co-workers and I thought about this scenario many times on boring days when we just don’t feel like doing any sort of work. We’ve concluded that the best place to be would be a Costco or the like…perhaps a Superstore since there are all kinds of garden tools that we can use to kill zombies and there’s ample food and supplies. Personally, I’d grab myself a shovel since you can use it as a bludgeoning tool or like a spear.

Most of you are thinking that you should probably break out some kind of gun but don’t forget, you’ll run out of ammo eventually. If you hole up in in a Costco or something and smash the occasional zombie in the face with a hammer, you’ll probably be able to hold out until help comes.

This is a real situation, people. In the event of a zombie epidemic, we should be prepared. What would you do if your city suddenly became infested with the undead?

in Entertainment,Random

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Michael Kwan January 4, 2007 at 1:21 am

The thing is, if you equip yourself with a shovel, you have to engage in close combat… and that can be a little scary if you’re trying to fend off an alien invasion. Maybe they have a weakness like the robots in Itchy & Scratchy Land….

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Lesley January 8, 2007 at 11:30 am

might i just add that the “many times” you discussed this was september through october without fail, and i don’t think the boring times were couple with busy times when customers were flagging you down!

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Ed January 8, 2007 at 12:18 pm

Those customers will thank me when they read my blog. Instead of paying attention to their mundane and quite frankly, stupid questions…I’m a pioneer in the fight against zombies. Wouldn’t they rather know this kind of information rather than why they can’t play Half-Life 2 with a 300MHz Celeron?

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Lesley January 8, 2007 at 4:49 pm

i concede the point

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Michael January 8, 2007 at 6:18 pm

Stupid customers deserve stupid answers. The next time they ask why they can’t play Half-Life 2 on a 300MHz Celeron, tell them that they can, but they need to upgrade the hamster first.

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zombie hater. god i hate zombies. May 13, 2007 at 7:48 pm

you forgot to mention baricades. barricades barricades barricades, its all about the barricades. =-) Also, the shovel will break eventually, be careful. the thing is to have a gun in your hand,ammo in your pocket, and a baseball bat in your belt loop… and lots and lots of barricades. Zombies are dumb bastards, the concept of climbing over barricades elludes them. lol, zombies, you dumb bastards.

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jimi December 3, 2007 at 10:23 am

good idea but what if there is alot of zombies a hammer wont do and more than likly close combat with a horde of undead will lead to ur demise

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Marshall December 17, 2007 at 9:34 pm

A shovel. A shovel would require close combat, and if an occasional zombie could get in all of them could get in. A shovel might work for combat against one zombie and maybe two. Then again, if it is the fast kind you wouldn’t have a chance in the world killing one with a shovel. Also, if it becomes appearent that the zombies are going to get to you I would think you would rather kill yourself with a gun rather than a shovel. If you would rather die than attack your friends/family anyway.

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forgotenmemory December 31, 2007 at 10:39 am

I would get a bunch of guns, about two friends. I would also get a shovel or something, a backpack full of food and hide somewhere

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bob February 20, 2008 at 1:22 pm

i say go to dunams and grab the guns get a flamethrower and roast the —– out of the zombies then gather all the terrorist orginizations and have them attack the zombies with everything the got. then heard the survivors to the artic and let them freeze. zombies have no internal heating. then we go on living our lives. no atom bombs to much of a health hazard for living humens.

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bob February 20, 2008 at 1:23 pm

nuce the heck out of the zombies

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Tala October 24, 2008 at 12:53 pm

ZOMBIES are cool i wouldnt wnat to be one but still……….

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nathaniel February 18, 2009 at 7:04 pm

you dum ass no this is how it go you need guns ammo and blugin wepons you need a shotgun it blast out and you need a colt 45 2 and a bat and wood and barb wire around all doors and you need a home land its a big ass GUN!!!!!!! and you need canned food you always keap your gard up never let it down i no how it go down i wacth everey zombie move nown to man kind it like sow fuckin stupi if you dont wacth them there the ultmet suviful guide sow dontask me about any thing because i allready now it sow i would survive

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brandon January 18, 2010 at 6:54 am

listen youve all got it wrong its not about fighting its about survivle you dont need big ass guns the simple thing to do is to go to a supermarket grab a wepon like a shuvle or a butchers knife inside the super market take down all zombies in there that way you can lock your self in a super market like tesco have enought food to last you the rest of your life and wepons plus make sure you bring people with you for support@Michael Kwan:

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John February 2, 2010 at 2:09 pm

FYI when the Zombie Invasion happens….. No help will come……. EVER.. You have to fight for yourself.

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Zombies killer person i read the books February 23, 2010 at 3:38 pm

my idea would to have a fat kid by and a dumbass and if u have seen zombieland follow those rules and btw guns are good but i would use a katana or some type of sword and if ur a pilot or in the military use as much weaponry as possible plus a plane or some type of car or plane at hand

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andrew July 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm

wrong wrong wrong……if you are in a costco or another warehouse like that…u should use more than a hammer and shovel……no u bust out the guns…..and u have to take the glass windows into account……so i suggest going to a rural farm house…..the farther away u r from potential zombies…the better

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