Lost Planet’s Lost Storyline

So I’ve been playing Lost Planet on my 360 for the past little while. The game itself isn’t bad despite the less than intuitive controls and slightly steep learning curve but once you take down a gigantic, 138-story boss that looks like a massive spider in your Mechwarrior-style suit, you just don’t care.

Unfortunately, Lost Planet also features just about the most inane and ridiculous storyline I’ve ever heard of, and not just in video games…in pretty much everything. The plot isn’t just thin, it’s anorexic. Humans are living on some cold planet for some reason or other. There was probably an explanation but the dialogue is so poorly written that I couldn’t be bothered to decipher it. However, when it’s simple, it gets really simple. “His name is Joe. He works for NEVEC…” Come on…

Characters are vaguely developed and people switch sides often and with very little explanation. There seem to be three or four sides to the conflict but I can’t seriously tell since you seem to be fighting against people that want the same things as your character sometimes and everyone somehow knows everyone else. Without spoiling too much, there are points to the story that pop up and seem significant at the time but are never to be spoken of again. It’s a real shame since Capcom obviously put some effort into the gorgeously rendered cutscenes…which are so incredibly stupid that it’s worth skipping unless you feel like losing some brain cells or checking out the female lead’s well-rendered ass.

So while trying to understand the plot of Lost Planet will make you want to shoot yourself in the face, I still recommend you at least check out the demo and if you have the game, don’t be discouraged that it starts out rather lame as the gameplay gets much better at about the fourth or fifth stage. Bosses get bigger and more fun to fight.

Or you can just pick up Vegas…

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