Redline Review

by Ed Lau on August 13, 2007

Redline movie


If you were planning to watch this movie…well, I’m here to convince you otherwise and hopefully spare you the pain and agony I’ve suffered for the last 90 minutes. Let me just get that out of the way because there is nearly zero redeeming qualities in Redline, a movie about a bunch of rich, stupid people and the word of high stakes auto racing. This review is full of spoilers but hopefully, by the end, I will have convinced you that you’re doing yourself a service by not going anywhere near this movie. I know the allure of beautiful women, fast cars and stuff blowing up may be strong but this is possibly one of the worst movies in history. Redline kills brain cells and can possibly cause birth defects. True story.

Redline movie Eddie Griffin Ferrari Enzo

You might remember a few months ago, T.J. from Deuce Bigalow (some guy named Eddie Griffin) crashed a Ferrari Enzo during the filming of this movie. At the time, the thought crossed my mind that they did that on purpose to build buzz for the movie but after seeing it, I have to conclude that there isn’t a chance that anyone that worked on this film had the brain power to think of such a scheme. Hell, the movie was received so poorly the official website no longer exists. Looks like they wanted to cut their losses.

Redline movie

The movie opens with a million dollar bet that a young driver can make it from Los Angeles to Las Vegas in an hour and 45 minutes. For most people, this will take approximately four hours. Of course, the driver makes it and wins the bet but, for those of us who know anything about cars, this is impossible even in a McLaren Mercedes SLR (which is the car used here). I guess you could technically clear the 270 miles between LA and Vegas at the SLR’s top speed of 207 MPH and the fuel does last for about 460 miles at highway consumption but there isn’t a chance you could do BOTH. At 207 MPH, you’re going to eat that fuel much faster. He also turns off all his lights and goes with night vision to avoid cops…which is ridiculous although I’ve heard about some urban legends that involve the same thing.

The movie doesn’t get any better from there. We’re “treated” to some…”singing” by Natasha, one of the lead characters, and her band and it’s followed by some even worse “driving”. Nadia Bjorlin who plays Natasha is pretty smokin’ but no amount of hotness makes up for the horrible acting and dialogue.

The other main character, Carlos, is the brother of the driver in the opening scene and his intro is equally stomach churning. He’s a military man who comes home to find his brother being beaten up by thugs in the parking lot of the bus station. He distracts them long enough for them to get away…in a Ferrari F430. When the question of where the car came from comes up, he wonders if his brother is working for their uncle who…well, I’ll just give you the line.

“Is this Uncle Michael’s car? Michael may be blood but he’s not family and whatever he’s up to now, I can guarantee it’s no good. He’s a crook, okay? He always has been. He always will be! HE DESTROYED OUR FAMILY! WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT!? Why are you SO STUPID STILL!?”

This will go down in history like my favorite line of The Fast and the Furious (“S.W.A.T. came into my house! DISRESPECTED my whole FAMILY!”). The rest of the dialogue and film cliches don’t get any better. That’s where this movie gets from bad to truly horrific. While The Fast and the Furious was fully of cliche as well, at least they had the good sense to stick to a couple. Redline brings out EVERY cliche in history and tries to cram them all into 90 minutes. Here’s a few. They don’t deserve whole paragraphs so I’ll just do it in point form.

  • Car chase? It’s got that. Going against traffic? That too.
  • Natasha’s dad died in a NASCAR accident. What’s more? The man that caused the accident shows up to race against her in the last race…and we don’t even know his name! Zero character development…he literally just shows up for no reason.
  • Car crashes? They’re all horribly boring other than the fact that all the cars being wrecked are serious exotics. Ferrari 599 Fiorano, a Cobra, a Porsche Carrera GT…well, it goes on. Despite the fact that nearly everything that happens in the movie is very illegal, the police are a near non-factor and are all portrayed as inept and useless.
  • The villain (the aforementioned family-destroying uncle), played by the bad guy from Equilibrium, is a bit different but he’s so boring that no one cares. He’s even a vegetarian!
  • Carlos arms himself to the teeth to take revenge on his uncle after a race accident kills his brother by visiting a…random character that has lots of guns. After he does so, he rides through traffic, causing several accidents along the way. Sorry but if I was carrying a bunch of automatic weapons, riding through traffic on a motorcycle at excessive speed might not be the best idea. There might be a good reason for driving like a jackass but since there’s no time constraint or anything (he jumps the train tracks just before a train hits him too…for some reason) we never know find out why and the scene, like many others, look like it’s just tacked on for the sake of…whatever.
  • Redline movie Nadia Bjorlin

  • The two main characters “get together” for no apparent reason other than they’re the two main characters. Carlos defends Natasha while she’s getting hit on at a club. He saves her for some reason after she gets kidnapped by the uncle (who suddenly loves her…for some reason) and the suddenly forge an emotional bond out of nowhere after sharing a few drinks even though I don’t think they even exchanged names at any point in the movie.
  • The brother races a Lamborghini Countach against Natasha’s SLR. Most people won’t know the difference but anyone who knows anything about supercars knows how terrible the Countach actually is to drive…and there isn’t a chance it would beat a SLR in a track race…or in a straight line. The speed readouts on a computer screen for the Countach are actually higher in the movie than the car is capable of in real life.
  • The uncle is in some kind of money laundering scheme and owes a lot of money. Natasha screws up his plans but purposely losing the last race by braking just before the finish line. Wow…who didn’t see that coming?

There are so many other absolutely idiotic parts to this movie but for the sake of time, I can’t list them all here. The only time this movie is even the least bit enjoyable is the brief moments where it’s just a close-up of Natasha. The other 99% of the movie is garbage. Not a single actor gives a passable performance in their role. Anytime anyone opens their mouth, it’s horrible. Anytime anything happens on screen, it’s terrible. This movie is a crime against film-making in every way possible. I’m not surprised at all that it lost most of it’s $26 million dollar budget. It’s that bad.

Redline movie

In all honesty, I’d rather commit seppuku using my own finger than have to watch this pile of crap again. Hopefully, I’ve saved at least a few people from accidentally picking this up at the video store because I’m sure it’ll be showing up in the bargain bin pretty soon. Don’t let my brain cell sacrifice be for nothing, folks…say away from Redline at all costs. I watched it so you don’t have to. If you want some brainless racing movies, go rent The Fast and the Furious trilogy instead.

Verdict: 0 out of 10. Not even kidding.

in Cars,Entertainment

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Derrich August 13, 2007 at 11:12 am

Great! I guess I can take it out of my Blockbuster.com queue.

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kenny August 13, 2007 at 2:59 pm

With a review this bad, I just have to download it and watch it to see for myself! lol

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Derrich August 13, 2007 at 5:42 pm

Seriously, Ed. I think you’ve convinced people to see it to check out its “bad”ness. Besides, I want to see Natasha.

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ms danielle August 13, 2007 at 10:35 pm

why do you choose these types of movies? first ghost rider, then this?? lol

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Ed Lau August 14, 2007 at 1:07 am

Derrich: It’s their funeral. There is no good reason to watch this movie. Some movies are so bad that they’re actually good for their kitsch value (The Fast and the Furious for example) but this one is just bad for the sake of…bad-ness.

Danielle: It’s a service I provide. Think of me as the hero that dives in front of the bullets yelling “NOOOOO!” to save the school children.

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Derrich August 14, 2007 at 7:46 am

Fair enough. I’ll just resort to Internet picture of Natasha…and the cars.

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ms danielle August 14, 2007 at 4:26 pm

phew! thank goodness you saved me!! :D thanks, buddy!

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krillz August 14, 2007 at 3:50 am

Usually movies that I rate 0 I don’t even finnish watching.

But this one looks like something very shitty even the trailer is pure shit.
One question though how did the script and the finnished product get accepted in the first place?

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ms danielle August 14, 2007 at 4:28 pm

“even the trailer is pure shit”

heeeheee….sigh…. i’ve seen better skits on youtube than this junk, and they cost nothing. i’ve always wondered how these things pass initial treatment screenings. someone sexed their way up the imdb ladder for this one…

thanks again, ed! ;)

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Leo August 16, 2007 at 12:39 am

I haven’t seen this movie but I appreciate the heads up. In return, I warn you to not waste your time with Pathfinder. It stole my virginity :(

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Thrifty June 2, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Cant say ill be running out to see this, but there looks as if there are some hot cars in there

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rishy sebastian October 1, 2008 at 10:19 pm

i love natasha!!!!! she’s so pretty!!!!!!

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