The Best and Worst of Celebrity Second Jobs

Every so often, we come across entertainers that can do it all. Sing, act, paint, juggle, breathe fire and eat 147 hotdogs. Frank Sinatra was an amazing actor and an amazing singer. The same can’t be said for many people these days. As talented as some are, being a double or triple threat is not something everyone can do so let’s take a look at some of the best and worst of when celebrities try to branch out into another field of entertainment. Oh and certain things don’t count. Robin Williams and Jim Carrey making the move from funny to serious isn’t exactly a second job and while Kanye West becoming a whiny bitch certainly seems like it is, I think we’ll just forego those altogether.

The Best

5. Mos Def - rapper/actor: Few can boast a street cred like that of Mos Def, whose lyrics boast of social awareness and responsiblity rather than bling-bling. He and Talib Kweli form the criticially acclaimed Black Star. While his role in 2003’s The Italian Job was not particularly memorable, his role in 16 Blocks opposite Bruce Willis was superb. He was also in several independant films and movies on HBO, such as Something the Lord Made, which earned him nods at the Emmys and the Golden Globes.

4. Jennifer Tilly - actress/poker player: Tilly is probably best known for her portrayal of a lesbian with Gina Gershon in Bound or as the bride of the homicidal doll, Chucky. Okay, maybe she isn’t exactly Meryl Streep but she is the biggest Hollywood face to buy in at the World Series of Poker…and actually win! Yes, James Woods and Ben Affleck play sometimes but Tilly actually has a bracelet! In June of 2005, she beat 600 other players to take the Ladies’ No-Limit Texas Hold ‘Em tournament. Months later, she also won an event at the World Poker Tour.

3. Paris Hilton - ??? to sex tape skank: Seriously, does anyone remember what Paris was doing before the sex tape? No? Whether she likes it or not, and she probably does, Paris Hilton’s night vision tape made her a star. Prior to that, she really did just about absolutely nothing. She was famous because…why? Oh right, because she’s famous. After the tape, she has starred on TV, movies and made a CD that actually wasn’t as bad as many thought it would be. She’s not particularly good at acting or singing but hey, we’re simply observing the success of the second job and not the quality, she’s near the top of the list.

2. Arnold Swarzenegger - actor to politician: Say what you will about the man but he recently won the election by a huge margin. This is a man who, in the 90s, gave us annoying one liners like “I’ll be back!” and “Hasta la vista, baby.” and once referred to Democrats as “girlie men”. Despite what many think, the “Governator” is actually quite active as a politician. As for his acting career, Terminator 4 is actually scheduled to begin shooting in 2007. After the stinker that was Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, I’d actually hope that Arnold never returns to his most famous role…

1. Clint Eastwood - actor to director: While there are many actors that also direct, few have the creativity and vision of Clint Eastwood. His acting career is includes his trilogy as “the Man with No Name” as well as Dirty Harry. His iconic, poncho-ed presence in American cinema is rivaled by only a select few. However, it is his talent directing that solidifies his fame, making some of the best movies in recent memory such as Mystic River and the critically acclaimed Flags of our Fathers. Million Dollar Baby and Unforgiven have earned him Academy Awards in directing and both pictures went to win Best Picture that year as well.

Honorable Mentions: Eminem (displayed some restraint in 8 Mile although it’s not hard to play yourself so I’d have to see another film before we can make a decision), Will Smith (Oscar-worthy in Ali but please, the rap…not exactly A Tribe Called Quest…), The Rock (seriously not bad in Walking Tall but…Doom…what the hell?), Bono and Angelina Jolie (from singer/actress to humanitarians. They don’t get enough credit for their work, really)

The Worst

5. William Shattner - actor to “singer”: Best known as Captain Kirk, Shattners foray into music was ridiculous and campy at best. Those of you who have only heard the singing of Zap Branigan on Futurama have already heard a near perfect replica of Shattner’s actual album from 1968. His music is only classic because it has been parodied so many times.

4. Michael Jordan - basketball player to baseball player…and back to basketball player: Why couldn’t you leave it alone, Mike? Why? While Jordan is a basketball legend, we can consider his brief baseball career as a sign that athletes cannot translate talent from one sport to another. There is no common currency when it comes to skill in sports, other than in the case of Bo Jackson but Bo knowing baseball and football is another story altogether. His stint in baseball is like the gum that is stuck to the sole of his Nikes. Oh, also, after winning his sixth title with a posterized, iconic last shot at the last second of the seventh game, for some reason, he came back to play for the Washington Wizards and ruin the image that should have been how fans remembered #23. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone, Mike? Why?

3. Pharrell - producer to fashion designer: As the producer of many of the hit songs we’ve heard in recent memory, Pharrell is supposed to be the purveyor of all that is cool. With his hot Neptune and N.E.R.D. beats and his forgettable but forgivable career as a rapper, his clothing should have been something amazing. After teaming up with A Bathing Ape’s Nigo, the Japanese purveyor of all that is cool, to produce his line Billionaire Boys Club as well as his Ice Cream shoes, it seemed as if nothing could go wrong. Sure, his shoes and hoodies were nearly $400 and the t-shirts were reasonably priced at about a bill each, but they were actually rather good looking…not $400 for a sweater good looking but still, not a disaster.

Then I came across THIS.

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING? Are you wearing MAN-UGGS, Pharrell? I’m sorry but I can’t take style tips from a man that looks like a cross (or collaboration rather) between Ghengis Khan and a ewok.

2. Madonna and Mariah Carey - singers to actresses: I don’t think we really need to say much more about Glitter or all the crap that Madonna has made. I just feel for Guy Ritchie, who actually makes good movies like Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Poor guy.

1. All basketball players that think they can rap: From Kobe, to Iverson, to that guy that got suspended for a year for fighting to Shaq. We get it, you want street cred and such. Great but how about you not suck at rapping first? You don’t see Jay-Z trying out for the Knicks. Master P tried out for the Raptors…and couldn’t make it on a Raptors team that lost 60 games a year. How about you stick to putting the ball in the hole and we let the guys who can actually write a verse make the records, okay? (P.S.: Shaq gets double points for his absolutely horrible movies. Steel? Kazaam? Dude, please just stick to the courts…unless Shaq is reading this right now…in that case, please don’t hurt me.)

Dishonorable mentions: Russell Crowe and Keanu Reeves (no one heard enough of their crappy music to make a serious opinion), Jared Leto (dude creeps me out enough that I can’t tell if he’s good or bad), Jamie Foxx (why would an Oscar winning actor need to put out such an average album?), Tom Cruise (I can’t really figure out what he is anymore…)

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