Three Thumbs Down…Way Down

by Ed Lau on June 13, 2007

I recently watched a bunch of older movies that didn’t bother going to in the theater…and watching them reminded me why I didn’t bother seeing them in the theater. Every so often, you’ll come up with a diamond in the rough…a movie that was great despite what the critics said. These movies that I watched recently, however, aren’t in that category. These aren’t just bad. They’re bad enough that most people would rather punch themselves in the groin than watch.

The Kübler-Ross model describes the five stages of grief or receiving catastrophic news. That applies here quite well.

1. Denial: “This can’t possibly be as bad as I’m thinking it is…”
2. Anger: “Why are these idiots even allowed near a film crew?!”
3. Bargaining: “Maybe this will be better if I bang my head against a wall first…”
4. Sadness: “I can’t believe I rented this crap…”
5. Acceptance: “At least I get to blog about how horrible this movie was.”

Ghost Rider

Yes, I’m well aware that this movie couldn’t possibly have been good but we were really bored at work, alright?

Marvel hasn’t had a good run lately. Spider-Man 3 was terrible but before that, there was Ghost Rider. You’d think a movie about a dude with a flaming skull for a head couldn’t possibly be boring but it is. There’s a good (or bad) forty minutes of drivel before Johnny Blaze burns upand turns into the Ghost Rider and he does so in typical stupid Nicholas Cage laughter. If you’ve ever seen the Nicholas Cage parody on Studio 60 it’s amazingly accurate here. I don’t understand the casting choice here as Nicholas Cage isn’t…well, he’s not an action hero. He’s just not badass enough so everytime he delivers any of the cheesy and horribly written dialogue, it’s laughably bad. He’s not a bad actor but his performance here isn’t up to par. The only good thing is Eva Mendez has a smokin’ body but that’s not enough to salvage anything from this heap of crap. I would barely even refer to it as a movie.

Stomp the Yard

I’ve seen You Got Served and liked it to a certain extent but not for a second did I think it needed a sequel. Stomp the Yard stars the rookie writer from Studio 60, Colombus Short, who is actually a fantastic hip-hop dancer. That is, however, where the positives stop. If you’ve seen You Got Served, they took the exact same story (down to the ending…the girl…everything) and put it in a college environment. The choreography was not up to par with the exception of a few genuinely fun dance sequences and it was all so ridiculously predictable. I’m sure it takes some serious skill to pull off some of the moves but they just didn’t look as impressive this time around. If you can’t get enough of these dance movies then maybe you could enjoy this one but for the rest of us, don’t bother with the rental.

Deja Vu

The premise seemed interesting enough and we all know Denzel Washington is a top notch actor. However, there isn’t a second of this entire movie that is believable at all. Normally, that isn’t a problem but they filled it with so much science mumbo jumbo to try to explain the concept a “window” into the past that you start to think Tony Scott really believes it can work. Unless you’re a moron, you’re going to be saying to yourself “What the hell? That’s not true…that’s not even possible!” every time one of the “scientists” rattles off an absurd explanation. There’s also a car chase through frickin’ time. The camera also cuts abruptly all over the place and with so many electronics everywhere and people trying to tell you how they bent space, it all gets confusing fast. Do yourself a favor and watch a previous Denzel and Tony Scott movie, Man on Fire, instead.

in Entertainment

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

ms danielle June 14, 2007 at 12:13 am

why did you pick up ghost rider? i can understand the thought process behind picking up the cover of stomp the yard or deja vu and thinking “eh…why not…”, but ghost rider? why???


Ed Lau June 14, 2007 at 2:17 am

I watched it at work. As horrible as it was and as much as I wanted to…like…read a book to offset how dumb the movie made me, it’s still better than talking to customers.


Leo June 16, 2007 at 5:34 pm

Ed, didn’t you read my review of Ghost Rider when it was in theatres? Could have saved you two hours, even you could find something else to do at work for 2 hours ;)


Ed Lau June 16, 2007 at 5:41 pm

You all seem to underestimate how bored I am at work. I mean, at least you get to tackle and beat the shit out of people, Leo.


ms danielle June 17, 2007 at 3:00 pm

you must be really, really…..really…..bored

Travis June 14, 2007 at 8:51 pm

I actually enjoyed deja vu, I just hated the ending. Don’t be hating wild car chases :P


Ed Lau June 16, 2007 at 5:42 pm

Wild car chase = Ronin, Bourne Series, The French Connection, whatever.

Stupid car chase = Deja Vu.


Shawn Knight June 15, 2007 at 6:37 pm

Yeah I thought Deja Vu wasn’t all that bad either. Of course a movie like that is going to be full of technical/scientific non-sense… its what makes it interesting! But yeah I do agree, the car chase was kinda ‘out there’…


watch bones April 26, 2008 at 2:15 pm

When i saw you had a post about all 3 of these movies i knew it would be a list of BAD movies. xD stomp the yard was… not good enough for me to stay in the theatre for the whole movie lol!


Sumit September 15, 2012 at 9:51 am

I loved the DeJa Vu movie…its really cool..!


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