Worst? They Can’t Be Serious
December 11th, 2007 by Ed Lau |
One of the surest ways to get yourself on the front page of Digg is to create some sort of Top Ten list, especially in the entertainment section. At any given time, you’ll come across at least a few and while some are creative, others rehash the same ideas. Still others are outright wrong.
Take, for example, this one, which is the latter. Why? Because there is no mention of Redline on that list, which was not only the worst movie I watched all year, it is quite possibly one of the worst movies of all time. It’s barf-inducingly bad. Watching Redline funds terrorism and kills kittens…in blenders.
Of course, there are plenty of other terrible movies this year that need to be mentioned. I mean, otherwise you might be tricked into watching them and thus, encouraging talentless hacks to make other movies that are less entertaining than digging out your spleen with a fork. Of course, I hardly ever watch a movie with the intention that it will be horrible so there are obviously some that I didn’t bother with, knowing that they’ll have storylines you’d expect to be preceeded with bow-chika-bow-wowwwww!
For example, there’s always Nicolas Cage being boring is Ghost Rider, where he spends an hour and a half being a parody of…himself. There’s War, which entirely wastes that martial arts talent of two of the genre’s superstars by having a story so befuddling that no amount of ass-kicking could convince you any of it was even marginally plausible.
There are also those that were so bad I didn’t even bother writing a review. Look no further than Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, which is a step above the original but that’s like saying something is slightly less smelly than dog poo or slightly more attractive than Rosie O’Donnell. Yes, it has Jessica Alba but putting sugar on paint chips doesn’t make them any better. Same goes for Isla Fisher in Hot Rod, which proves Andy Samberg needs to stick to sticking things in boxes or punching people in the face before they eat.
By far the most disappointing movies I’ve watched all year were Spider-man 3 and Hitman. I’m such a massive fan of the Hitman series that I even have a 10-inch Agent 47 sitting on my desk. However, the movie was so bad in so many ways that even I couldn’t love it. After the incredible Spider-man 2, the third in the trilogy could’ve been great but instead, we were treated to quasi-patriotic poses in front of waving flags for no reason and an emo Spider-man.
Luckily, however, there were also some seriously amazing movies as well but we’ll talk about that some other time…since I wouldn’t want any of those getting mixed in with the cess pool of movies here. God, even with such “distinguished” company, Redline looks…ugh…
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Hey Ed, looks like you’re really loving the italics lately.